yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
