So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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