She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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