theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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