I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
