dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
