They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
