I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
