I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
