He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
