omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Enjoy the penises
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
