Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Two words: blizzard sex
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
