it hurts more in the daytime
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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