You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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