I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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