Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
