you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
