dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
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she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
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Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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