batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
