Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
