dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
