dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
