the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
