Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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