....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
