at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
