I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
