I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
