ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
