What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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