I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
