i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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