I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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