i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
