Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
