you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Vodka?
Forever.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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