dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
