Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
