i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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