I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i will never coherently bang her
it's great music for shaving your balls
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
