My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I deserve to be covered in dicks
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
