I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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