Don't make out with my wife yet
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
