I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
