Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning