I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch