i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition