i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize