You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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