Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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