just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
