I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize