I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
