Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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