i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
