well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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