I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
