Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
