I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
