HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
