They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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