I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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