Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
