if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
