He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
