um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
