there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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