Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
